Moan for me like Helen Keller
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
