mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
