First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
