It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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