I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
