He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
