hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
