used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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