Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
