We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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