i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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