using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
