OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
