Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
third nipple confirmed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
