I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
