i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
