I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
