He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
