I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
