sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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