that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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