Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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