Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
