There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
