last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
