So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
