Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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