So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
