i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
