I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
