Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
