i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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