The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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