ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
