I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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