it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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