3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think i have two assholes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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