Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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