laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
