then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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