Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
