dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
