I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
