That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
