Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
