my phone needs a breathalizer
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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