textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
