She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
