Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
