He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
